An Ode to Oliver Jeffers

It’s no secret that we love a good children’s picture book around here. The key word being good, which is very hard to find in the children’s book arena. There’s a lot of mediocre out there. We have found one author/illustrator who seems to knock it out of the park. Every. Single. Time. That is Oliver Jeffers. I’ve included his books on my post about our favorite books HERE and HERE. The thing that really differentiates him as an author and illustrator in my opinion is his subtlety as well as his fearlessness with his themes. He doesn’t avoid broaching sadness or loneliness, which in a children’s book is rare. He is also hilarious without trying too hard. Jeffers is an accomplished fine artist as well, which I think is the reason  his books don’t fit the typical mold.

Don’t even get me started on his illustrations. They are deceptively simple and complex at once. Jeffers adds these “extras” that sometimes you don’t even notice until you have read the book several times. Max is constantly pointing out these details to me as we read. Oliver Jeffers has added so much to this genre and has set the bar very high for what we consider a good children’s picture book.

With all that being said, I could not have been any more happy the other day when I heard the sequel to The Day the Crayons Quit, which he illustrated but was written with Drew Daywalt was coming out next month. That book was so creative and in my opinion should be owned by every Kindergarten and first grade teacher to share with their students. In fact, that might be a good back to school gift idea. Hmmm…

But I digress. The new book is called: The Day the Crayons Came Home,  again co-written with Drew Daywalt. I cannot wait to get it here so we can all pile up on the bed to read it together. From what I have garnered, this time Duncan, instead of getting letters from the different color crayons complaining that they are being used too much or too little, is getting postcards from forgotten, escaped or misplaced crayons all over the place.

Our current Jeffers favorite is Once Upon an Alphabet. It is like an alphabet book, but not really. It’s actually 26 short stories (that is the number of letters in the alphabet, right?) that revolve around something that starts with the letter in question. And he manages to weave the separate stories together in such a quirky way, I promise your child will ask to read it again and again.

The Heart and the Bottle is a tender and poignant book about a girl who loses her grandfather. The girl has such a special connection with her grandfather, that when he passes, she tries to protect her heart by putting it in a bottle so she doesn’t have to feel the pain. And by the time she realizes she has done this, she finds that she can’t take it out. This is a beautiful story that shows how we as humans try to protect ourselves from uncomfortable feelings. Sounds pretty heavy for a children’s book, but he does it in a very tender way. Kids really do pick up on this message despite it’s whimsical illustrations. I know because I asked Max what he thought was happening throughout the story.

If you have never checked out or purchased an Oliver Jeffers book, I encourage you to read a few or scope them out when you are looking for a gift idea. Although he has about dozen titles or so out, I put together our top 5 favorites below. Try some of these and let me know what you think!

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Parenting Lessons from My Kids

 

Parenting-Lessons

My two parenting coaches who are teaching me how I can be a better parent to them.

Parenting is a constant learning process for me. In the past year or so, I have found that my most insightful parenting lessons are coming from: my own children. At the ages of 6 and 7, they are getting to a glorious age where they can really express and articulate themselves. It seems a bit odd to think that I am taking direction from people in the single digits, but who knows my specific parenting strengths and weaknesses better than these two, right?

They are starting to hold me accountable to being a better parent than if left to my own devices. I appreciate that. Right now, these observations have been coming mainly from Ben, who is older, but I know Max won’t be too far behind. Especially because he is absorbing the interactions I am having with his older brother.

Here are a few lessons I have recently learned:

Give them a chance to use their manners instead of assuming they won’t. When kids are little and you start teaching them to say “please” and “thank you”, you remind them to say it every time they ask for something or something is given to them. But the snag that can happen (and did happen to me) is that you get used to saying that and never stop. One day Ben asked, “How come no matter what we say, you always add something else for us to say?” I do? I do. He was right. Instead of just allowing them to say their thank you’s, I was ready to jump in with, “Did you tell them how good it was?” Not only is this rude to my own kid, it is awkward for the other person. Now I try to bite my tongue and let them use their manners on their own without chiming in.

Wait until they ask for help.  This seems like such a no-brainer, but I didn’t even realize I was doing it until Ben brought it to my attention. It has to do with school work, specifically reading. When he would read out loud, he would go at a quick pace and when he got to a word he didn’t know, he would stop, and I would jump in with the word. After a couple frustrating sessions of this, he said to me, “Mom, when I don’t know a word, can you not tell me unless I ask?” It seems silly to think that I needed a 6 year old (at the time) to tell me this, but I am so grateful he did. Homework time is still not even close to perfect around here but this lesson was a step in the right direction.

Don’t use an accident as a time to point out what they were not doing right. This one is my most recent lesson learned. An example happened this morning when we were trying to get out of the house. I had asked them 3-4 times at least to put their shoes on and get in the car. Once we were in the garage, Ben was just leaning up against the car in a dreamworld, not doing what we needed him to do, which was get in. Max got in the car right by him, and closed the car door. In doing so, the car door hits Ben in the elbow and he starts to throw a fit. My response was a quick, “If you were doing what you were supposed to, then that wouldn’t have happened.” That did not go over well. However, after he calmed down, he was able to explain to me that he does not like it when I use times that they are hurt or spill something to tell them it was because they weren’t following directions. And he has a good point. Even if it is true, it is not the time to bring it up. Nobody is listening.

It’s embarrassing to admit that I did (and do) these things because I would never do them intentionally. I am trying to use these non-stellar parenting habits as a chance to change for the better though. It seems the key to making the lesson a two-way street is how I respond to the criticism.

After one of these parenting lessons, I usually take some time to come back and tell them I heard what they said and that they were right. It then opens up a door for me to thank them for taking the time to tell me what I am doing that bothers them because I am trying to be the best mom I can to them and I can only do that with their help. Having this quick talk with them afterwards really helps because I do want them to feel like they can continue to point out things I am doing that are causing them frustration. It is also a way for them to see that it is perfectly okay not to be perfect. And more importantly, that the world does not end when you acknowledge you are wrong about something.

I am sure this is the beginning of a long road ahead, but I am looking forward to the lessons I have ahead of me.

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Summer Capsule Wardrobe: Putting It Together

The next step in my journey after decluttering my closet and then deciding to take on a capsule wardrobe approach was to select the pieces that I wanted to carry me through this summer. I used the use categories I identified on THIS POST to build a framework for a loose “uniform” for each category. I have no illusions of Vogue knocking on my door to be their new style editor. It is an exercise using my individual taste to ensure that I had a plan for summer clothing purchases and to not feel the dreaded “I have nothing to wear” syndrome which often happens despite an overflowing closet. Today I thought I would walk through the selections I made for myself.

The largest and most common category for me is “everyday casual”. Glamorous, I know. The fact is, I am in my home pretty much 80% of the time. I work from home, plus I am a homebody who enjoys staying in. When we leave the house,we are either in the neighborhood somewhere or at Target or Publix picking up food…to eat at the house. Living in Florida, summer is hot, humid and…HOT. So shorts, tanks and tees are my go to’s. What I tried to do a little differently this go around is a) make sure I picked up pieces that could mix and play well with each other and b) toss anything I had that was pilled or had seen better days. Despite the clothes being ultra casual, they don’t need to look sad & worn. Here’s what I came up with. I linked the items still available online in the captions.

 

The next category I needed to put some thought around was “outing casual”. Not sure if this is an official term or not, but basically this is for when we leave town. A day trip to a nearby town or even a weekend away. Since it means we will not be at home, this would be a bit more put together, but still in the casual category.

 

The last two categories are the smallest percentage of need I have in my closet, but I still cannot neglect them. First up is “church or (work) meeting”. Although I work from home, about once or twice a year there are face-to-face get togethers. Church is self-explanatory.

 

And finally, is the “dinner or night” get together category. We live in a very casual town, and I am very aware that my “night” picks would be someone else’s casual day looks. But my night time outings are limited to an occasional dinner out with Brian or get together with girlfriends. Probably about once a month.  So the choices below are definitely suited to my lifestyle right now. I am, however, on the lookout for a light coverup to layer over the black romper below, so if you have a suggestion, please send it my way!

 

I will be curious to see how far this summer capsule wardrobe gets me. I now feel like I have a very good grasp on what I own and the gaps in my wardrobe. This should be helpful in preventing impulse purchases. So far, the everyday casual pieces have been serving me really well. It is so much easier getting dressed. Long live the simple life!

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Creating a Capsule Wardrobe for Summer

After using this book to inspire me to really get rid of any clothes that did not bring me joy any more, I was left with very few things. This offered me a perfect opportunity to attempt a capsule wardrobe approach for this season (summer). I first learned about the concept through Jess Lively’s podcast last year. She interviewed Caroline Rector, the creator of the blog Un-Fancy and the person responsible for really making it a “thing”. She recently stopped blogging, but the idea lives on.

Before I go any further, I have to put out there the obvious fact that I am not even close to a fashion blogger. If you know me, you are quite aware of this 🙂 I don’t read fashion magazines or follow fashion or style blogs (except for this one, but only because I love her writing voice). I do, however, see value in being intentional with your clothing purchases. So take this post more as a thought process and planning and not as a style post.

So what is a capsule wardrobe? It is basically a limited amount of items that will carry you through a season. In Caroline’s case, it was 37 items. Total. That includes pants, tops, dresses, skirts, shoes, & jackets.  Once you have those selected, you would donate, discard, or put the off-season items you still love in storage. You only shop 4 times a year (with a pre-set budget), as you prepare what your pieces will be for the upcoming season. At each transition, you would choose the pieces you want to carry over with you and be deliberate about what pieces you may need to purchase. For myself, I am going to start out a little less structured, but follow this as loose framework and guide.

What I love about this approach is that it is efficient and practical. Also, it prevents you from mindlessly spending money on things just because they are cute or a really good price. Less waste. How many times do you look at those same impulse purchase items a year later and realize that you wore it once and the rest of the time it has just been taking space in your closet? After taking the time to edit & reduce my clothes, the last thing I want to do is fill it back up again.

J-crew-Tank-and-shorts-look

Image Source: J Crew

The first step for me was to reflect on what I was trying to accomplish. Putting thought into my purchases ahead of time helped me identify what I needed to get and how much.This process was helpful because as I went looking for the pieces I needed to carry me through the summer, I could use these as filters for what I chose.

What did I want/need my summer wardrobe to do for me?

  1. I want to only have clothes that fit well and are in good condition.
  2. I needed to look somewhat put together but still casual, which fits my lifestyle.
  3. I need my clothes to reflect my authentic self, not a look from Pinterest or a catalog.
  4. I want to make sure the pieces are flexible, so that they are easy to mix and match.
Striped-T-and-Jeans-Look-(Un-Fancy)

Image source: Un-Fancy

Next, I thought about words that describe my style, or what I would like my clothes to reflect. Everyone is different, and in my opinion, your wardrobe should reflect you, not a trend. This is helpful because sometimes we see something in a store or even on another person that we love, but just doesn’t really fit in with who we are. Later on, we wonder what we were thinking when we picked it.

Words to describe the look that I like:

  1. Simple and straightforward. I have learned I don’t have the patience for accessories.
  2. Authentic. Reflects who I am on the inside.
  3. Earthy neutrals with some bright color thrown in every once in a while.
  4. Natural fibers and materials: jersey cotton, denim, leather.
ParisianChicDress-(vogue-UK)

Image Source: British Vogue

And finally, I also put some thought into what “categories” of wardrobe needs I have based on my own life. This is probably the most important step because it helps me to know how much of each item I need.

Here’s my breakdown of categories:

  • Very casual – working from home, being at home with the kids or just running quick errands with kids – 60%
  • Outing casual – going on a family day trip to a museum, park, etc. – 20%
  • Church / Work Meeting – 15%
  • Dinner / Date Night – A little dressier and more put together – 5%

Phew! That was kind of exhausting, but it has been useful already. At this point, I am almost done with my summer wardrobe purchases. I need to pick up a few things in the church/work meeting category, and just a small handful of other things for the other categories. I also assembled some vision boards for each category to get an idea for what I already had, and what I still needed to get. I will share those on the next post.

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Recent Decluttering Read: The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up

I recently read The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. This book has been all the rage lately, and I was curious about Kondo’s story, her philosophy and approach.

The-Lifechanging-Magic-of-Tidying-up

One of the values of her book, in my opinion, is the debunking of many organization & decluttering tips we have learned in the past. She also presents an alternative way to think about our “stuff” and its effect on us.

Kondo’s specific approach is called the KonMari Method. She points out that with the old way of thinking about decluttering, a few days or weeks later, things start piling up again. I think the biggest difference has to do with her “go big or go home” approach. According to her, once her clients go through her method, they do not go back. There is a “click”, or a “set point” that you reach where you start seeing your things differently.

One of the similarities of the KonMari method to conventional decluttering is that the first step must be the discarding phase. But not in the way we are used to doing it. Most of the time, when we are cleaning stuff out our question is, “will I use/need this in the future?” Or some variation of that question. And most of us will keep it if the answer to the question is “maybe” or “possibly.” That is not the KonMari way. The first step is to decide on a category that you will tackle. It is important that you start out with easier categories (clothes, books) before you address the tougher categories (mementos, photos). This is so that you can build practice and confidence.

After reading the book, I decided to tackle my closet. In general, I would say that my wardrobe was already smaller than most, as I was doing regular clean outs about once or twice a year. Plus I admittedly identify as a simplicity lover versus an abundance lover. When I decided to use the KonMari method, I put all my clothes on my bed, and started holding each piece one at time. I would ask my self if that item brought me joy and go with my immediate response without letting my analytical mind start rationalizing. Guess what? I got rid of about 50% of my clothes. Two garbage bags full. There is now so much space in the closet. When I go in there I see everything I have at one glance which makes me feel lighter somehow. It also inspired me to try a modified “capsule wardrobe” approach moving forward. I will blog about that soon.

hanging-clothes

What’s left of my hanging shirts after applying the KonMari Method.

 

folded-clothes

The survivors in the shorts, tanks and t-shirts category.

Here are some of the key points she made that really resonated with me:

  • When we reduce what we own, we are essentially “detoxing” our home.
  • Don’t do a little at a time (within a specific category anyways) . Set aside a large chunk of time to complete your project. And then just do it.
  • Sort by category, not location. So basically, all clothes versus hall closet.
  • Take everything out and physically handle each object and discard/donate anything that does not “spark joy.”
  • Do not buy storage bins or storage systems.
  • If you are holding onto things that do not bring you joy, then most likely it is an attachment to the past or anxiety about the future.

The benefit of reading the book – the whole book – is that it is not just the strategies and tactics to how, but really uncovers the psychological reason why we keep stuff. The “stuff” that surrounds us is more than just “stuff” that takes up physical space. It takes up subconscious space in our minds that could be used for creativity, rest, and connection.

If you are interested in trying the KonMari method for decluttering your home, I would definitely take the time to read the book to get a full understanding of the why’s behind her recommendations and practices. It’s a short enjoyable read – a perfect companion for a day at the beach this summer.

 

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