Although I saw it on the bestseller list for years before I picked it up, I finally read Mindset by Carol Dweck a couple months back. I think the clinical look of the cover made me think it was going to be boring and perhaps over my head. After coming to the realization that there had to be some pretty valuable content for the book to have the longevity it is having, I finally started reading it. I’m so glad I got over myself and my preconceptions. Since picking it up, I have not stopped thinking about it and seeing examples in my daily life.
So here’s the gist. The book’s author, Carol Dweck, is a Stanford University psychologist who has done decades of research on on motivation and fulfilling potential. In Mindset, she shares her findings and conclusions. Dweck proposes that there are two different types of mindsets that people adopt – a growth mindset or a fixed mindset. A fixed mindset is a belief that we are all born with finite abilities and talents. Whether it be athletic ability, artistic ability, or academic ability, this mindset believes you either have it or you don’t. You believe you are either good at math, or not a math person. Creative or not creative. Graceful or not. Sound familiar? Does to me. It’s a very common way for us to paint a picture about ourselves or others. A fixed mindset can be characterized by lots of comparison, wanting others not to do as well as you, or being a perfectionist. Why? Because as soon as you are no longer the best at something, you want to give up. What reason do you have to continue?
A growth mindset is the belief that we are able to change our abilities through time, effort and practice. Growth mindsets believe that even though we may not excel at something now, it doesn’t mean we can’t improve. A growth mindset sees setbacks as challenges to be overcome. As you meet the challenge, confidence grows. A fixed mindset sees setbacks as a flaw in who you are as a person. Dweck dedicates entire chapters to different areas where both of these mindsets often prevail: academic, sports, business and relationships.
Below is a fantastic graphic that really helps illustrate the difference between the two mindsets as Dweck outlines them in the book:
The best part about this book has been sharing the concept with my kids. They always ask me about the books I read. And sometimes they regret asking, because I love to share 🙂 In the case of Mindset, they totally got it. In fact, the book has given us a great new lens for us to frame discussions around. Now that they are very familiar with the two mindsets, I have been able to take a different approach.
Here’s how we talk about mindset to our kids:
If telling me about how someone in their class is annoying/misbehaving/not smart…
- In the past, I might have said, “Why are you talking bad about X?” OR, “How would you like it if someone else was talking bad about you?”
- I now say something like, “What kind of mindset likes to see others struggling?” Or, “Do you remember why a fixed mindset likes to point out other’s mistakes?”
If they are resisting doing something because they are not good at it…
- In the past I might have said, “Why are you feeling sorry for yourself?” (in the case of one child who gets sad when they are not good at something). Or, “You don’t have to be the best at something to enjoy participating” (in the case of my other child who is more a perfectionist).
- I now say something like, “What kind of mindset likes doing challenging things?” or “How are you going to bring a growth mindset to this activity?
If a friend or peer is making fun of them or excluding others...
- In the past I might have said something like, “Just ignore them” or “That’s not very nice.”
- I know say something like, “Why kind of mindset do you think X has? Why do you think that might be?” “What do you think X would do if he had a growth mindset?”
I am nowhere near a parenting expert and perhaps this is not the perfect method, but I can tell you it has been a very positive approach for talking to my kids. Instead of shutting them down, it turns into a conversation. It’s also changed the way I review their graded work that comes home from school. While I still review the work, I no longer point out when they got something wrong. If they get 100%, I rarely mention it unless I have something specific to praise – not the grade. I do this let them know I am not judging them by their scores, but by their effort.
Below is an animated video that does a phenomenal job of illustrating the concepts. I highly recommend watching it!
Despite the fact that I’ve outlined ways that the book has really helped me with parenting, it would be just as helpful for teachers, coaches, managers, and really anyone who could use better insight into themselves. So don’t let that cover or the title deter you like it did me. You might just find yourself opening up to a whole new way of thinking.
Have you read Mindset? What parts of it resonated most with you?
